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Sunday, September 12, 2010
11:18 PM

Disappointment comes with expectations. They come in a package.

Sometimes I wonder what it felt like to be... average. (I'm not boasting or insulting people. I'm in no mood for those.) What does it feel like to be free from the high expectations other people have for you? What does it feel like to do whatever you want and not worry about whether it pleases the others?

I feel like most of the things I've been doing all this while were to please people. I don't know which are the things I did for myself.

I am tired. I don't like how uncertain and unreachable the future is. I don't know what to do and I don't know what I want. I'm trying my best to be thankful every single second of my life and reduce my complaints, because there are loads of people out there who are in WORSE situations than I am. But just as we can never comprehend the pain of the poor and the disabled, they cannot fathom the drama of the complicated lives we live.

Nobody would understand anyway. Saying it all out here would only trigger questions with uncertain answers, gossips and whatnot. I only need an outlet to pour all these emotions into. I'm saving the details for my real journal. Maybe I will write it down, maybe I will not.

Is it sad that everytime I want to have someone to confide my problems to, no one appears on my mind?